In medical and psychological terms a ‘fetish’ is an object, or part of the body, that becomes the focus of sexual desire, without which the fetishist cannot achieve orgasm. However it is more often used to mean any general sexual turn-on. For example, some people will quite happily admit to having a “leather fetish” but they don’t mean that they must ALWAYS incorporate leather into their sex sessions and can’t function without it, just that they sometimes like to use it for an extra kick.

What turns you on?

A quick trawl around the internet will introduce you to a host of fetishes you didn’t know existed. Pretty much anything can be placed in a sexual context, from the more usual objects and materials such as feet, lingerie, high heel shoes, rubber and leather to the more bizarre like balloons, cigarettes and bodily fluids.

Some fetishes are more socially acceptable than others, but on the net there is no moral code controlling what can or cannot be discussed, so many hard-core fetishists use it as a way to discuss their own particular passion and to meet others who share it. A lot of the sites may be shocking, but there are few (if any) fetishes that are truly original and which do not have many practitioners, around the world.

Consenting adults

So who are these people? Fetishists come from all areas of society. They are gay, straight or bisexual, black or white, male or female – increasingly so, as women discuss their sexuality more openly – and they come from many different backgrounds, classes or professions. While what they do is often ‘extreme’, they are usually consenting adults, who are having these sexual experiences through choice, in a safe environment where rules and boundaries are set and respected.

Problems arise when someone with a fetish cannot control their urges or tries to force their partner to do something against their will. But these same problems exist amongst those who consider themselves to have a ‘normal’ sex life, and this has more to do with mental state than sexuality.

Like any normal sexuality, fetishes are caused by a variety of complex genetic, environmental (especially during childhood and puberty) and social factors. In the same way that some ‘straight’ people do not enjoy oral or penetrative sex, so true fetishists have no control over their sexual preferences – they can’t say why they get turned-on by the sight of a manicured foot, they just do.

Many people find they can easily incorporate their fetish into an otherwise normal relationship. As with ‘straight’ partners who have different tastes and turn-ons, the important factors for a successful sexual relationship are respect, trust and openness.